You know what's ironical?
Today my mom told me that my second name, Eleonora, means Light of God. Well, as far as I know God hasn't bestowed much light upon me.
I've been sick for a few weeks now, and as usual 'm too damned stubborn to go to the doctor 'cause I know he won't be able to help me. Last time I went, the only thing he said was: "Your head- and stomachaches are caused by stress, you should try to take it easy." Easy for him to say, he doesn't know anything about me or my life!
My life's been all crap lately, and my head is a mess, I just can't seem to find peace and for some reason I can't find the time to do all the stuff that I still need to do. There are just so many things I need to do!
Lately I've also been feeling really lonely, I spent almost all my free time with my two best friends, but I still feel kinda lonely. Especially at night, I've been having troubles getting to sleep for a few weeks now. When I'm alone in my bed, and my mom, sister and dog have already fallen asleep, I always feel alone, on those moments I just want to hold someone. I want to hold someone, and I want that person to hold me, so I won't feel lonely anymore, I just want to feel loved...


School has been killing me lately, we've just finished our test week (10 big tests in one week!) and they don't even give us one free weekend! We have like 5 days to write 3 essays, one of them is a book report, one has something to do with art and the last one is writing a chapter of our art-history book about Egyptian art (the previous chapter took me almost 11 hours!). I'll probably have to cancel my horse-riding again, so I can finish my school work.
I also feel kinda sad for my dad, he's been doing really well lately and he hasn't been drinking any alcohol since he went to the withdrawal clinic. However I only get the chance to see him once a month and he asked me to go shopping with him today, I really need some clothes and it would be good to see him again (cause he feels like we're abandoning him) but thanks to my schoolwork I couldn’t go.

I also wanted to say I'm really grateful, there was a guy last night at Flintys (a place where people from 12-20 hang around) and we spend hours just holding each other while sitting on a couch. He made me feel really happy and I finally didn't felt lonely anymore. But I don't know how things are between us right now because I only get to see him on Friday and on MSN you never know whether something is meant sarcastic or not.

Please forgive me my bad English and my whining.